Art to heal my Heart

Two Beautiful, Too Beautiful to stay around forever

 I do try and keep my blog light hearted, funny and at times, a little informative. But this week has been a bit gut wrenching. Thank goodness for Art to heal my Heart. 

 Two Beautiful, Too Beautiful to stay around forever is a Watercolour and ink on rice paper. I had just heard a good friend had unexpectedly died of a heart attack that day, it was Tuesday morning, and I was unconsolable. I couldn't concentrate or even focus on talking let alone doing anything, yet I had booked some Mother and Daughter time and as this is a rare occurrence due to our busy lives I did not want to cancel. So an hour after hearing the news I was off having a manicure with my Daughter. Now she would have been absolutely fine if I had cancelled, but I couldn't even bring myself to tell her. The words just wouldn't come out my mouth, I think I was in shock, so I didn't. It was a weird feeling but in fact was a good distraction.

 In the afternoon of the same Tuesday I received news my good friend who was battling the big C was fading fast. Chemo wasn't working and they didn't expect the to last the week. How cruel was this. I did not speak of the loss of my friend in the morning, to the bearer of this latest bad news, they were struggling them selves and I really couldn't speak about it. My Husband was in Holland for work so although it would have been nice for him to be here for support, it was better I could just let it all out and not worry about cooking or keeping the house tidy. I slept and ate when I felt like it, watched sad stupid movies, listened to music and.... painted.

Contemplation Journey 1 - Ink and watercolour on rice paper

 I cried and painted for two days and then, with a card (I chose my Contemplation journey 1) and a bag of emergency groceries in hand, I popped to see the Husband of my friend who had passed on that Tuesday morning, and he wanted me to stay for a cup of tea, I felt he needed to talk. I didn't want to as I just felt so sad, but after about an hour of us chatting and looking at all his plants, I left the house feeing strangely calm, as if all was OK and things would be fine. The next day my Daughter and I met up and we sat and chatted about my friend. 

Two days later I received the news my other friend had succumbed to her illness and although painful, it was perhaps a release for her and her family. If you have ever seen the movie 'A Monster calls' you will understand what I mean. I had the same argument in my head when my Mother was so very ill. She kept asking me to help her pass away as she missed my Dad so much and her strokes had left her unable to eat, speak or move much. it was so heartbreaking. I wanted all the pain to stop for her and i'm ashamed to say, for me too yet I didn't want to loose her either.

And after all this, all you can do is to pick yourself up and keep going.

Keep swimming, swimming, swimming.....

 So I'm grateful to art that helps me through bad times. It keeps me from screaming out loud, from feeling complete despair, and even from loneliness even though I'm usually on my own. So I'm off to do some more.

Until next time
Take care and X Love and Light Peeps X
dbee