Dbee Robinson Artist - The Fat Struggling Menopausal Artist

Today was the heaviest day the earth has ever asked me to carry. Today, I said goodbye to my beloved husband, David. I stood still as his final cradle of sleep passed through the crematorium gates, and in that quiet procession, my heart turned to dust. It loosened in my chest and scattered in the wind, aching to follow him—as I always did. Anywhere he went, I was willing to go. There are no words strong enough to hold the pain I feel, nor the fear of learning a life without him. There is only the hollow echo of a world that must now grow used to the sound of one voice instead of two. I love my husband—truly, wholly, deeply. Death has not undone that vow. Love does not stop at the edge of breath. He did not complete me—I was whole before him, and I remain whole now. I did not need his presence every hour, nor was he the keeper of my darkest secrets. But he was the man who made the ordinary shine. He saw beauty in me on my weakest days. He made me feel chosen, important, and held. He ste...

  I'm waiting. Waiting for my David to come home. I know it's stupid, I know he has gone. I almost forget for a second, and then remember. And then lie to myself, he will be home soon.  I even know it's a lie, but I don't care. I force myself to believe he is on his way. One day, it will truly hit me. And I will crumble into oblivion. But for now, I will continue to lie. Just so I can get through each day. dbee 💔

The Five Stages of Grief (Kübler-Ross Model) Denial :  A defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock of loss, causing feelings of numbness or disbelief. Anger :  As denial fades, reality sets in, often bringing frustration, resentment, and a search for someone or something to blame. Bargaining :  An attempt to regain control or reverse the loss through "what if" or "if only" thoughts, often negotiating with a higher power or oneself . Depression :  A deep, overwhelming sense of sadness, loss, and loneliness. It is a normal reaction to intense pain, not necessarily a mental illness. Acceptance :  This stage does not mean the loss is "okay" or forgotten, but rather that it is acknowledged and the individual is beginning to move forward with their life.   I do not think I will ever get to stage 5. dbee :'(

David started learning the guitar, and he used A4 paper to patiently draw lines and add dots for music he wanted to play. It took him absolutely ages and slowed his progression in learning every tune. Later, I found you could purchase notebooks ready to fill in with the music you wanted. I saw this and sent it to him, as he did find the little pictures helpful. Hope you enjoy it as much as he did. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeIxJzdPD0A I will miss him playing his favourite music to me as he practices. dbee

  It's true, my world ended Sunday, February 1st,  2026. As I held my beautiful husband's hand, my David drifted away and left us all behind. I just cannot bear it. After losing my dear sister Lesley, I never believed I would ever feel this type of aching, raw pain in my heart again. But here it is, returned like a samurai with his mighty sword, cutting away the best part of my heart that my David held so gently in his hands.  It's so surreal. Sleep has evaded me for weeks, but I managed to get a couple of hours last night. I awoke this morning hoping I had dreamt it all and he would again be there beside me, holding hands while we slept. When I realised the horrifying reality was true, I wished myself back to sleep; I did not want to wake up. I don't want to ever wake up if he is not beside me. We found out 2 days before, on the 30th of January, that his illness was an aggressive form of colon cancer that had spread to his liver and lymph nodes. The yearly tests the NH...

Love this photo, not just because we are dressed up, and David always looks good in his Tux, but it's his cheeky grin.  I haven’t written here for a long time. Life has been busy, and if I’m honest, I haven’t had anything much to say. I still don’t have many words — but my heart wants to scream. The beginning of 2026 has been unbearably hard. My David is unwell and, even as I write this, he is fading before my eyes. There is nothing I can do to stop it. We are waiting for a scan to confirm a diagnosis, caught in a queue like so many others, and it is breaking my heart to watch my husband decline while we wait for an appointment that may confirm what we already fear. But without it, we cannot move forward. I try to stay positive, to be strong, but inside I am quietly crumbling as I watch the man I love wither away. Still, we hold on to hope — that this is something treatable, that there is a way forward, and that one day we might have our life back again. Love and Light all...

  How to make Dbees Excellent Mince pies First, make the filling...this needs to be done months ahead, but if you forget, cheat and buy it, just hide the jar! Add an extra splash of your favourite brandy to the pre brought mix to give it that “home-made” aroma. Remember to taste the brandy first; you don’t want to spoil the mix now do you? No like sweet mince? No problem, use apple pie filling with a dash or two of Rum to make it your own style. Better taste the Rum too; you don’t want to spoil this mix either do you? Then it’s on to the pastry, now what was it? Half fat to flour, pinch of salt and add an egg; Easy Peasy. Or you can just buy that too, well it’s the thought that counts and you still have to roll it out don’t you, or you can buy the pre-rolled variety from your local supermarket. No rolling pin? No problem! I use a wine bottle. Problem solved. Now if it was filled with ice-cold water it would keep the pastry cool, but what to do with the wine? Just have a little tast...

Yet again my amazing kitchen duo has created the best cake ever leaving me time to trial a few butterflies on rice paper. Getting the paint consistency just right is always difficult so it's always best to do a few trial pieces first. Too thin and the paint bleeds into the paper, too thick and it causes issues later when backing the painting. All rice paper paintings require backing prior to framing as the paper is so thin. Click here ' Backing a rice paper painting ' to view an epic fail when backing a painting either too full of paint, damaged, etc. Anyway back to the best cake ever. I found a recipe online and adjusted it for my family's taste and to cook it in my new Ninja. Citrus Meringue cake using a Thermomix (TM5)  and baking in the Ninja smart lid (NSL) Note- Minutes (m) / Degrees (d) / Seconds (s) / speed (sp)  To save washing up, grind the orange and lemon peel for the cake in the TM5 first. 240g sugar and the peel from 1 lemon and 1 orange. Grind - sp9 / 8s ...

Well I never though I would say it but I just may have to. My new smartlid 15-1 Ninja is nearly as  amazing as my Thermomix. When I’m cooking, I open the lid like a kid a Christmas to see what’s inside. Is it cooked? Is it burnt? Have I got an hour of cleaning of the lid? But each time I use it I’m learning more and gaining confidence. Side by side they do most of the work and take out most of the chore in cooking amazing it easy and fast.  Today I cooked sausage, onions, veg and potatoes. The potatoes in the bottom, and using the double rack I put veg in the middle and the sausages and onions on the top. 250ml of water and 10 mins on steam air fry and it’s done. Seriously I thought after 10 mins I would turn the sausages, (the thin chipolata ones) but they were cooked already. So took out the rack and scooped out the potatoes tipped in some gravy thickener into the left liquid and switched to sauté for 2 mins. A little more listed added and the sausages and onions and switch ...

Started the day looking at a beautiful sunrise from my studio, and I love sunrises, well, who doesn't.  It reminds me that every day is a blessing and makes me feel positive and happy. It made me think of a book I have been listening to at night to help me sleep. It's called The Little Prince and it's about a pilot who crashes in the desert and meets a little prince from another planet. It's pretty weird to be honest, but cute and the author was a French pilot who did crash in the desert and survived to write this story. It's quite a famous book and the narrator, Humphrey Bower, speaks with such a soft voice it sends me to sleep in minutes, which is great as i'm a bit of an insomniac. Anyway, the little prince in the book loved sunrises and tries to be positive, just like I try to be. Anyway, after such a sunrise my day started on a positive note, and thought I would make a rice pudding with my glut of milk in the fridge. I made it similar to my previous multi-...

Having had my Ninja Foodi MAX 15-in-1 SmartLid Multi-Cooker with Smart Cook System 7.5L for a week or so now and feel I am able to to give it some sort of review.  I have cooked a few meals, cakes and bread in it and pretty much pleased. The Steam Bake function makes my cake and bread fluffy and, dare I say the word, moist. I have also tried to cook crispy kale and to be perfectly honest i’m not so sure it’s worth the effort, as it took quite some time to pick out all the crispy kale from the fan in the lid.  The steam function was interesting too, as the vegetables were eventually cooked taking twice the time started in the manual, and the veg was charred. Not sure if that was meant to happen, but certainly not what I expected steam meal to be. But I may have used the wrong setting.  I must also add I have used my Ninja to reheat meals by heating them fast in the pot using the sauté function and then switching to slow cook. I checked with a cooking probe that the meal wa...

  I feel truly blessed that this is the view from my art studio today. What a glorious sunrise and start to the day. Nature’s colours are truly magnificent and I know no matter how many times I try to paint a sunrise or sunset I will never be able to do it justice. My Australian sunset  was inspired by the spectacular scenery in Australia. The moment I saw the Glasshouse Mountains in Queensland I was stirred to paint a landscape that not only captured the moment but the awesome sunset.  But before I get to work in my studio today I am going to steam bake a cake in my new smartlid ninja. Seriously, who knew you could steam bake a cake? And with so many apples from my tree it’s going to have to be an apple cake. This one I created is a little like a carrot cake but with apple to keep it moist, (is it just me that hates that word, moist?) lol. I chop my apple in my Thermomix and squeeze out some of the juice, but you can grate it too.  Apple cake .  4 apples - cho...

  As we were down the allotment again this morning a fast and easy dinner was the order of the day. I made a  Coconut curry  recently in my New Smartlid Ninja, and so I thought to reheat it using the slow cooker function. I got it reasonably hot using the saute function and then switched to Slowcook, HI, 4 hours, but as the curry was already cooked I knew just a couple of hours would suffice. However, I have no idea what the temperatures are for slow-cook and have contacted Ninja Customer services to clarify. We completed our tasks down the allotment and I brought home some chard to slice and add to our curry. I checked the temperature to make sure it was safe and above 80°c and hubby put on an episode of the original Thunderbirds series 'The end of the road' for us to watch while we ate. Have you seen the original Thunderbirds? They are stories made for children using puppets set in the 2060s. However if you really look closely at the scenery, clothing, props and storyli...