Dbee Robinson Artist - The Fat Struggling Menopausal Artist

  I am adrift— a ship swallowed by fog on a furious sea, lashed by winds that do not know my name, punished for a storm I did not summon. A future I never chose has been forced into my hands. It's weight presses against my ribs, fills my lungs with saltwater grief, until breath itself feels borrowed. My heart labors beneath the heaviness, each beat an act of will, each step a quiet surrender. I want to hide within these walls, to close the doors against the world— and yet the house echoes without him. Shelter has become another kind of emptiness. I know he is gone. The truth arrives in waves, and each time it breaks over me, I turn my face away. My mind and heart war in the dark, tearing at what remains of me. Soon, I fear, I will not fight at all— I will simply exist, a hollow vessel drifting on indifferent tides. I am slipping beneath the surface now. There is no air here, only the deep pull of surrender, and I am so tired of swimming. No harbor light calls...

    Last year I wrote a story for a competition, sadly I did not win but I enjoyed the creative writing to a brief of 'Lost and Found'. It resonated with me as my solo exhibition in Penang was titled 'Lost and Found'. How would I know months later it would resonate with me on a more painful and personal level. I hope you enjoy reading it. No AI was not used for this story. The Gate - By Dbee Robinson   Submitted to The u3a short story competition - 06.10.25 There was a distant creaking sound, just on the edge of Jenny's consciousness; she’d heard it many times over the years, bringing her joy and making her smile. She rested on her favourite wooden bench next to the roses with her eyes shut and the summer sun on her face. Inhaling their heady aroma and absorbing the heat like a lazy lizard on a rock. Wishing for some peace of mind, but couldn’t deny her feelings and the anguish of what she had lost. They were raw, like festering open wounds, reminding her she was fe...

Today was the heaviest day the earth has ever asked me to carry. Today, I said goodbye to my beloved husband, David. I stood still as his final cradle of sleep passed through the crematorium gates, and in that quiet procession, my heart turned to dust. It loosened in my chest and scattered in the wind, aching to follow him—as I always did. Anywhere he went, I was willing to go. There are no words strong enough to hold the pain I feel, nor the fear of learning a life without him. There is only the hollow echo of a world that must now grow used to the sound of one voice instead of two. I love my husband—truly, wholly, deeply. Death has not undone that vow. Love does not stop at the edge of breath. He did not complete me—I was whole before him, and I remain whole now. I did not need his presence every hour, nor was he the keeper of my darkest secrets. But he was the man who made the ordinary shine. He saw beauty in me on my weakest days. He made me feel chosen, important, and held. He ste...

  I'm waiting. Waiting for my David to come home. I know it's stupid, I know he has gone. I almost forget for a second, and then remember. And then lie to myself, he will be home soon.  I even know it's a lie, but I don't care. I force myself to believe he is on his way. One day, it will truly hit me. And I will crumble into oblivion. But for now, I will continue to lie. Just so I can get through each day. dbee 💔

The Five Stages of Grief (Kübler-Ross Model) Denial :  A defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock of loss, causing feelings of numbness or disbelief. Anger :  As denial fades, reality sets in, often bringing frustration, resentment, and a search for someone or something to blame. Bargaining :  An attempt to regain control or reverse the loss through "what if" or "if only" thoughts, often negotiating with a higher power or oneself . Depression :  A deep, overwhelming sense of sadness, loss, and loneliness. It is a normal reaction to intense pain, not necessarily a mental illness. Acceptance :  This stage does not mean the loss is "okay" or forgotten, but rather that it is acknowledged and the individual is beginning to move forward with their life.   I do not think I will ever get to stage 5. dbee :'(

David started learning the guitar, and he used A4 paper to patiently draw lines and add dots for music he wanted to play. It took him absolutely ages and slowed his progression in learning every tune. Later, I found you could purchase notebooks ready to fill in with the music you wanted. I saw this and sent it to him, as he did find the little pictures helpful. Hope you enjoy it as much as he did. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeIxJzdPD0A I will miss him playing his favourite music to me as he practices. dbee

  It's true, my world ended Sunday, February 1st,  2026. As I held my beautiful husband's hand, my David drifted away and left us all behind. I just cannot bear it. After losing my dear sister Lesley, I never believed I would ever feel this type of aching, raw pain in my heart again. But here it is, returned like a samurai with his mighty sword, cutting away the best part of my heart that my David held so gently in his hands.  It's so surreal. Sleep has evaded me for weeks, but I managed to get a couple of hours last night. I awoke this morning hoping I had dreamt it all and he would again be there beside me, holding hands while we slept. When I realised the horrifying reality was true, I wished myself back to sleep; I did not want to wake up. I don't want to ever wake up if he is not beside me. We found out 2 days before, on the 30th of January, that his illness was an aggressive form of colon cancer that had spread to his liver and lymph nodes. The yearly tests the NH...

Love this photo, not just because we are dressed up, and David always looks good in his Tux, but it's his cheeky grin.  I haven’t written here for a long time. Life has been busy, and if I’m honest, I haven’t had anything much to say. I still don’t have many words — but my heart wants to scream. The beginning of 2026 has been unbearably hard. My David is unwell and, even as I write this, he is fading before my eyes. There is nothing I can do to stop it. We are waiting for a scan to confirm a diagnosis, caught in a queue like so many others, and it is breaking my heart to watch my husband decline while we wait for an appointment that may confirm what we already fear. But without it, we cannot move forward. I try to stay positive, to be strong, but inside I am quietly crumbling as I watch the man I love wither away. Still, we hold on to hope — that this is something treatable, that there is a way forward, and that one day we might have our life back again. Love and Light all...

  How to make Dbees Excellent Mince pies First, make the filling...this needs to be done months ahead, but if you forget, cheat and buy it, just hide the jar! Add an extra splash of your favourite brandy to the pre brought mix to give it that “home-made” aroma. Remember to taste the brandy first; you don’t want to spoil the mix now do you? No like sweet mince? No problem, use apple pie filling with a dash or two of Rum to make it your own style. Better taste the Rum too; you don’t want to spoil this mix either do you? Then it’s on to the pastry, now what was it? Half fat to flour, pinch of salt and add an egg; Easy Peasy. Or you can just buy that too, well it’s the thought that counts and you still have to roll it out don’t you, or you can buy the pre-rolled variety from your local supermarket. No rolling pin? No problem! I use a wine bottle. Problem solved. Now if it was filled with ice-cold water it would keep the pastry cool, but what to do with the wine? Just have a little tast...