Today I tried going out and about in Emsworth again. I only managed about five minutes before I had to find somewhere quiet and hide away. It made me realise that I need to share something honestly with everyone who has been so kind and supportive.

First of all, I know how much people care, and I’m truly grateful for my friends and for all the kindness that’s been shown to me. It means more than I can say.

I also understand that many people want to know more about what happened, and that comes from a place of concern. But I need to gently ask something of you. If you see me out and about, please don’t ask whether David knew how ill he was — he didn’t. Please don’t tell me how quick it all was — I know. And please don’t ask how I am. The truth is, I’m broken.

What would really help me is something simple. Just say hello. Tell me it’s nice to see me. Share a small pleasantry that doesn’t bring me back to reliving those last horrific weeks over and over again.

Every time I have to go through the story again, it breaks my heart all over. It’s reached the point where it makes me fearful of going out, because I know those conversations may come.

The same goes for phone calls. I truly appreciate them and the thought behind them. But if I’m not up to talking, I may not answer. Please know that it’s not personal — it just means I’m having a moment where I can’t revisit everything again.

Thank you again for all the kindness, concern, and love people have shown me. I hope you can understand why I’m asking for this small bit of space. Right now, I just need to be able to step outside again without the fear of telling the same painful story again and again.

Love an Light 

dbee x

Hope you all understand x

Feel free to pass it on to others .

Much love and light to you all xx