Dbee Robinson Artist - The Fat Struggling Menopausal Artist

  It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions since November last year, and January was just hell. I am pretty much broken and feel I’m in a constant state of panic. However, every day I try to find a little bit of joy to help me through the week.  A coffee in a cafe, the sun on my face, cooking a delicious lunch, finding that perfect jacket when shopping with my Brother, seeing a friend, messages from my grandchildren, time in the garden, my lovely neighbour Mary popping round, listening to the early morning bird song, etc.  My American Sister is texting me hugs every day, and knowing my dearest friend, Barbra and her husband Gary, are there for me feels like a joyful safety net of love. My dear friend Richard in Mauritius messages every day, and I awake to a hello every morning, it is such a joy too.  Friday was pottery evening with my darling daughter Lisa, and although I really didn’t want to go out, time with her is always precious; she is always a joy to be around an...

Now that I have had time to breathe and reflect, I realise that when I said David was controlling, that could not have been further from the truth. Sometimes I struggle to find the right words. What I mean in my heart does not always come out the way I intend, and when I spoke before, I was hurting, confused, and very afraid. In that moment, my words came out wrong. The truth is, I loved my husband deeply, and I know he loved me too. What unsettled me recently was discovering that he had spoken to others about what he was doing with our joint finances, yet he had not spoken to me about it. That left me feeling vulnerable and unsure in a way I had never felt before. I had always trusted David completely, so I could not understand why he would share those things with others and not with me. In that confusion, I allowed myself to doubt things I should never have questioned. Looking back now, I understand more clearly. At one point in his life, everything he had worked for and owned was ta...