Dbee Robinson Artist - The Fat Struggling Menopausal Artist

  People lied - Time doesn't heal, it doesn't get easier, it gets so much harder. I haven't posted for a while. I was holding off until after his Memorial. I found it so hard to do, let alone say the word “ Funeral”, which upset some in the family. But that was how I coped at the time, and how I still feel, so Memorial it is. Two months later, I have finally managed to post that David's wishes have been met. He is free to roam the oceans, amongst the waves he loved so much. Six months have now passed. And it’s not getting any better, and I am NOT OK. I keep breathing. I keep getting up. I keep putting on the show that life expects of me. I smile when I am supposed to smile. I nod when I am supposed to nod. I tell people I am OK. I tell them I'm fine. But deep down, I am done. I am not broken, because broken things can usually be fixed. I am not lost, because lost things can sometimes be found. I am empty yet full of despair. I am a vessel that once lived, laughed an...

  I'm waiting. Waiting for my David to come home. I know it's stupid, I know he has gone. I almost forget for a second, and then remember. And then lie to myself, he will be home soon.  I even know it's a lie, but I don't care. I force myself to believe he is on his way. One day, it will truly hit me. And I will crumble into oblivion. But for now, I will continue to lie. Just so I can get through each day. dbee 💔

The Five Stages of Grief (Kübler-Ross Model) Denial :  A defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock of loss, causing feelings of numbness or disbelief. Anger :  As denial fades, reality sets in, often bringing frustration, resentment, and a search for someone or something to blame. Bargaining :  An attempt to regain control or reverse the loss through "what if" or "if only" thoughts, often negotiating with a higher power or oneself . Depression :  A deep, overwhelming sense of sadness, loss, and loneliness. It is a normal reaction to intense pain, not necessarily a mental illness. Acceptance :  This stage does not mean the loss is "okay" or forgotten, but rather that it is acknowledged and the individual is beginning to move forward with their life.   I do not think I will ever get to stage 5. dbee :'(