How I will ever bear this weight around my heart

 

I am not sure how I will ever bear this weight around my heart. It's so heavy I may drown in my dark and deep sorrow.

The fear another has cruelly created in me is magnifying my grief until it's all I can see, all I can feel, all that I know. A dark, crushing burden expanding day by day until I am lost in its mass of dread and horror.

I am remembering a little more each day he has gone, and I am thrust back into oblivion. The more I try to push the pain away, the more I know I must let in the knowledge he has left me. 

But it's too soon to let him go, I want to hold on to the thought he is still here, that he will hold me one more time, that I will wake up holding hands as we used to, that we will dance in our front room while he sings softly to me and that I will hear him laugh so outrageously at one of his favourite movies.

But I know deep down these little acts of love are gone forever, as are all the things we used to do or say. I will never hear his last words to me again, "I love you," and I cannot bear it.

I am truly broken into pieces that will never mend.

dbee x